Your Guide to Being Cool

So I'm sure a lot of you pathetic people are forever on a quest to be cool. I, very graciously, have taken upon myself to provide you with a comprehensive list on just how to do that. This is, by no means, however, the complete list. There are always weirder things one can do to become popular and the instigator of envy within everyone around them.

It should be noted that halfway across this list, you may start to believe I am being sarcastic. Of course I'm not sarcastic though. Obviously. Sarcasm? Me? Never. Ever. Ever Ever Ever.

Now then, since that has been established. Let's get on with it, shall we?

1.  If it’s not on Instagram, it didn’t happen. You may have brushed your teeth but unless it's your #picoftheday, how will I ever know? Is there really any proof? For all I know, you haven't brushed your teeth since the last 5 days.
2. Bad grammar is sexy. Always. Abbreviating already short words is even sexier. For example, 'ThanQ 4 readin mah blog' is possibly the best way i can thank you for, um, reading my blog.
3.  Any climatic change needs to broadcasted on at least 2 social media platforms. If it rained, did you Snapchat it? Yes? But did you post about it on Instagram and Facebook though? Stop leaving things incomplete. Being cool isn't that easy.
4. Rule for Life: Everyone wants to see at least 10 selfies (per day) of you. Their day is not complete without it. Really. Ask them. The number of fucks they give is so high, it's unbelievable.
5.  Caption should ALWAYS be in hashtags. Hashtags bring up the stud level by almost 5 times #really #no kidding #tryityourself #diy #wowmuchcool #suchsweg
6. Facebook needs to treated as personal diary. Always. I mean, Mark Zuckerberg intended Facebook to be treated as a means of bitching about your boyfriend. Look it up if you don’t believe me, really. It's written in his autobiography called 'What Monsters Have I created'.
7. If the caption is not deep, it will not portray your genuinely philosophical personality. If you can't see Adele rolling in it, it's not deep enough (This deserves self five though)
8. Clothes are not bought for the purpose of wearing, they are brought for the purpose of showing people that you, um, bought clothes.
9. If even the filters can’t make that picture look pretty, you should probably not upload it.
10. Gym selfies are a must. Because that’s what Gyms were made for. What do you mean people go there to exercise! Noobs (no, auto correct, I don't mean boobs jeez)

Follow these to have you coolness level multiplied by infinity.*

Bonus tip : However what will make the absolute coolest is cribbing about it on a blog which literally one person reads and continue to be obsessed with social media.
You are welcome, World.

*I'm aware the answer would be not defined. Teehee. #MATHPUNS