Your Guide to Being Cool

So I'm sure a lot of you pathetic people are forever on a quest to be cool. I, very graciously, have taken upon myself to provide you with a comprehensive list on just how to do that. This is, by no means, however, the complete list. There are always weirder things one can do to become popular and the instigator of envy within everyone around them.

It should be noted that halfway across this list, you may start to believe I am being sarcastic. Of course I'm not sarcastic though. Obviously. Sarcasm? Me? Never. Ever. Ever Ever Ever.

Now then, since that has been established. Let's get on with it, shall we?

1.  If it’s not on Instagram, it didn’t happen. You may have brushed your teeth but unless it's your #picoftheday, how will I ever know? Is there really any proof? For all I know, you haven't brushed your teeth since the last 5 days.
2. Bad grammar is sexy. Always. Abbreviating already short words is even sexier. For example, 'ThanQ 4 readin mah blog' is possibly the best way i can thank you for, um, reading my blog.
3.  Any climatic change needs to broadcasted on at least 2 social media platforms. If it rained, did you Snapchat it? Yes? But did you post about it on Instagram and Facebook though? Stop leaving things incomplete. Being cool isn't that easy.
4. Rule for Life: Everyone wants to see at least 10 selfies (per day) of you. Their day is not complete without it. Really. Ask them. The number of fucks they give is so high, it's unbelievable.
5.  Caption should ALWAYS be in hashtags. Hashtags bring up the stud level by almost 5 times #really #no kidding #tryityourself #diy #wowmuchcool #suchsweg
6. Facebook needs to treated as personal diary. Always. I mean, Mark Zuckerberg intended Facebook to be treated as a means of bitching about your boyfriend. Look it up if you don’t believe me, really. It's written in his autobiography called 'What Monsters Have I created'.
7. If the caption is not deep, it will not portray your genuinely philosophical personality. If you can't see Adele rolling in it, it's not deep enough (This deserves self five though)
8. Clothes are not bought for the purpose of wearing, they are brought for the purpose of showing people that you, um, bought clothes.
9. If even the filters can’t make that picture look pretty, you should probably not upload it.
10. Gym selfies are a must. Because that’s what Gyms were made for. What do you mean people go there to exercise! Noobs (no, auto correct, I don't mean boobs jeez)

Follow these to have you coolness level multiplied by infinity.*

Bonus tip : However what will make the absolute coolest is cribbing about it on a blog which literally one person reads and continue to be obsessed with social media.
You are welcome, World.

*I'm aware the answer would be not defined. Teehee. #MATHPUNS

It will never really end, will it?

I think it's pretty well established that being a female in India is not very easy.

Crimes against women, it's kind of a never ending story. 

Everyday, the newspapers say the same thing.

Everyday, we listen.

Everyday, we watch.

Everyday, we observe.

Everyday, we live with it.

Everyday, we forget about it,

Lighting candles and protesting is great, but who did they help? Because crimes haven't stopped. They haven't stopped. They probably will never. 

This statement is not coming from a place of cynicism, but rather a crude sense of reality. 

It is ingrained in our very values and traditions. 

We're hypocrites.

We blame the men? The system? The law enforcing entity?

You'd think us females would stick together, right? When this is how grave the situation has become, one would think there must be some sense of unity among the female-kind. That's the sad part, right there. 

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying it is completely the fault of females, but

don't you see mothers wishing for a son? Having kids till a son is born? Giving him more freedom than the daughter? Don't tell me it is something unknown to you. Tell me you haven't heard a GIRL say that some other girl looks like a slut. Don't tell me you haven't heard someone say that a certain girl is 'easy' because 'woh toh smoke aur drink bhi karti hai'. 

Our very roots are based on a patriarchal set up, and we only fight it when it becomes an inconvenience.

Why does the bride's family have to give dowry? Doesn't the groom have a mother? Marriages are for companionship, not money. But does she fight against it? Don't tell me you don't know what I'm talking about, because THIS is the system. There are exceptions, but this is the rule. This is the system WE have created. 

We CAN stop it, but we won't. You know why? because we are used to it. Used to seeing it and hearing about it. 

Should I even begin to talk about the male mentality? I wonder if I should go there. But I think we all know enough. More than we'd like to. More than enough to keep us afraid  being out of the house.

It may sound silly, but why do girls half their age surround male celebrities whenever they make an entrance? Why do shows like Splitsvilla exist, where women are objectified to a great extent and yet people watch it? Something I found highly disturbing was the recent advertisement for Axe Boat Party.

Here is something about advertisements. They are made keeping in mind the audience, and what will catch their attention. And apparently, bikini clad girls 'seeking Indian men' to go crazy on a boat party is anticipated to catch the attention of the Indian masses. Is it just me? Am I the only one who finds it absolutely horrific and almost tragic?

We've become so obsessed with 'showing' we support and pretending we care, we've forgotten how to actually care. . 

I'm a female. I'm an Indian. I'm proud to be both. But I probably would've been happier being one outside India.